


See Me Fight

by Nayra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Regulus Black, Child Abuse, Depression, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Good Regulus Black, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, M/M, Major Character Injury, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Permanent Injury, Peter Pettigrew Bashing, Physical Disability, Regulus Black Feels, Regulus Black Lives, Rescue Missions, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin-centric, St Mungo's Hospital, Torture, Violence, Young James Potter, Young Peter Pettigrew, Young Regulus Black, Young Remus Lupin, Young Severus Snape, Young Sirius Black, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayra/pseuds/Nayra
Summary: Remus is worried sick. Not only did Sirius miss the train to Hogwarts and the welcome back feast at Hogwarts, but he didn't show up in the Common Room that night or in class the next day. While he and the remaining two marauders try to solve the mystery of their friend's disappearance, Sirius rests fighting for his life in St. Mungo's.Or:Sirius' home life is much more messed up than he ever led on.
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 64
Kudos: 138





	1. Prologue

_ “You have ruined the Black family name! You have ruined it! How dare you court a halfbreed?!” Walburga screamed in an icy tone. “Crucio!”  _

_ Sirius’ entire form writhed on the ground uncontrollably.  _

_ “What a shame it is to have you as a son! I wish I never birthed you!” She continued. “Crucio!” _

_ His limbs twisted and turned in obscure directions as he tried to fight the pain and the urge to scream.  _

_ “Have you learned nothing?! Have our ways not sunk through that thick skull of yours! Because I will not tolerate this behaviour! Not under this roof nor bearing the Black name will you act as such!” She shot the cruciatus curse down at Sirius again, this time holding it down for longer, wanting to watch him squirm.  _

_ “Dear, please,” Orion spoke in mock softness and he put a hand over his wife’s, “let us not get carried away too quickly, we have a long night ahead of us and he must last until we’re finished with him.” _

_ He took a sharp breath afterward and paused for a few moments, walking slow circles around Sirius’ body to entice him before he struck. _

_ Sirius felt like an animal caught in a snare, his predator just shy of sinking his teeth into his chest. _

_ “Just do it,” he croaked weakly, blood spilling from his mouth as he spoke from having bitten his inner cheek.  _

_ His knees were pulled in towards his chest and hair covered most parts of his face. Never before had had he looked so vulnerable, so weak.  _

_ A smile found its way upon Orion’s face and he stopped just shy of Sirius' side before turning to face his son at a complete angle. _

_ “You must learn, it is the only way. Crucio,” he whispered, his voice dripping with hatred. _

_ As the curse was cast for a fourth time, Sirius couldn’t help but to finally let out a short yelp. He wasn’t able to hold in the intense fire burning throughout his core any longer. It was all too much. _

_ “Bastard child!” Walburga screamed. “Do not think you do not deserve this!”  _

_ “Crucio!” Both his parents sent curses flying at him and for a fourth and fifth time, the spell radiating across his entire body. It felt as though a thousand sharpened blades were being driven through his skin.  _

_ On and on it went, and Sirius couldn’t even remember what he had done anymore to upset his parents this much. The pain was so intense it took up all the space in his mind. And as much as tried to focus on something else, James, Remus, hell, even Peter, but he couldn’t. All he could feel was pain. And in those long moments, for what felt like what stretched on for hours, he wished for death. He carved the end. He didn't want to feel, to think, to even fucking breathe. It hurt far too much.  _

_ “I think that’s enough, Walburga”, Orion whispered darkly after dozens of flashes having been emitted by their wands. A nasty smile was perched upon his lips as he took a step back, admiring the scene before him.  _

_ Sirius lay unconscious on the wooden floors of Grimmauld Place, his body completely motionless. His chest barely rose or fell. His eyes didn’t flutter or twitch. His fingers never moved an inch. They remained slightly curled into fists, his nails digging into the palms of his hands so violently that they left large indents. The ghost of a pained scream was still painted across his face. Tears stained his cheeks, blood dribbled down his chin, and beads of cold sweat rolled down his neck.  _

_ The cruciatus curse was unforgivable for a reason.  _

_ “Very well,” Walburga muttered lazily and pocketed her wand. _

_ Without another word, the two fled the scenes, leaving their eldest son alone. They left him to die.  _

_ Sirius rested in a spread-eagle position on the floor for what must have been hours, but not that he was counting them though, he was out cold.  _

_ His body rested in a tangled position, anything but peaceful. He was contorted at a strange, almost painful angle after having been wiggling on the ground so much to try and counteract the pain of the curse.  _

_ His clothes were dusted and torn from catching on the floorboards. Blood spilt from various cuts across his back. It appeared as though a Hippogriff had clawed out his skin with its talons. _

_ It wasn’t until hours later when Regulus came home late in the evening, having stumbled across his near-dead brother, that Sirius finally received treatment. But it was too late. A toll from the spell had been cast upon him, hindering just about everything in him. _

_ Sirius would never be the same. _


	2. Chapter 2

_ “I can't! I can’t do it!” Screamed Sirius in frustration.  _

_ “Come on, try again, please.” _

_ “It's useless Remus, I’m useless!” _

_ “No, you’re not,” Remus tried to soothe.  _

_ “Remus, I can’t fucking walk!” _

_ “Yet, you can’t walk yet.” Remus corrected him.  _

_ “Whatever.” Sirius rolled his eyes and looked away. He was done. _

__________

“Where  _ is  _ he?!” Remus voiced worriedly from his seat on the Hogwarts Express. He had his nose and hands pressed up against the window, staring out onto the platform for any sign of Sirius. 

“You know Sirius, he’s probably just running a little late, he’ll show,” James said positively, trying to perk Remus up. 

“Yeah, don’t worry, Remus,” Peter tried as well. 

“Well the train leaves in…” he rolled up his sleeve to look at his watch, “now!” Just as words spilt out between his lips, did the train start moving. 

Remus immediately looked out the window again, hoping to see Sirius running behind the end car to catch it before it left the station, but all he saw were waving parents and younger siblings saying goodbye to other students. 

“He could be out in the hall,” James suggested, looking out their compartment door to see if Sirius was nearby. Still, there was no sign of him anywhere. 

“Did anyone see Regulus get on the train?” Remus posed worriedly. 

“I didn’t, but we could look around to see if he’s here. The Slytherins normally sit in the back, if he’s there, he can’t be too hard to find.”

“Can’t we just wait here?” Peter whined, not wanting to move. 

“Wait here? If Sirius isn’t on the train, he won’t show up in the compartment! There’s no sense in waiting here!” Remus exclaimed frantically, so much so that James and Peter were starting to get worried, they’d never seen him like this before. 

“Look, Remus, let's just look around the train, if neither Sirius nor Regulus are here, they obviously missed the train. You know how their parents can be.”

“Why then how’ll they get to Hogwarts?” 

“Floo powder I’d presume.”

“I suppose…” Remus spoke as he scratched his head. 

“C’mon, let’s take a look, shall we?” James offered. 

Remus sighed and got up. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”

Crankily, Peter trained after them out the door, slugging his feet on the carpeted floors like a child following his parents in the grocery store. 

Once the three of them got to the Slytherin side of the train, they started knocking on compartment doors, the first happening to house Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Narcissa, and Lucius. 

Lucius opened the door. 

“Great,” James started darkly, “of all of the compartments there are, we just happened to choose yours, what are the chances?”

“You’re on the wrong side of the train,” was all he said in response, glaring down at James, practically towering over him. James was tall, but Lucius was much taller. 

“I’ve noticed,” James replied sarcastically. “But just for fun, we thought we’d skip over here for a change. And what fun are we having so far!”

“Then why don’t you skip back over to the front while you still can, hmm? Because in a few seconds, I don't think your legs will be able to carry you there.”

“I’ll leave when I wish,” James said boldly. 

“James,” Remus stepped up beside him, “don’t be silly.” Remus didn’t want to antagonize the seventh year, and right now, James was simply asking for it. “We just wanted to see if Sirius was here,” he started to explain. But as he isn’t we’ll be on our way.” He took hold of James’ shoulder and tried to hurry him off. “C’mon James, it’s not worth it,’ Remus hissed. 

“Yes, go run along,” Lucius snickered. “Listen to the halfbreed, he’s wiser than I took him for.”

James shook Remus away. “What the hell did you just say?” He spoke in a dark and dangerous tone. 

“James, stop,” Remus said sternly and tried to force him away from Lucius. “Let’s go.”

“Is something going on out here?” Bellatrix asked, trotting up beside the blond. 

“These fine men were just on their way,” Lucius said in a mocking tone. “Weren’t you?”

“I will be once you apologize,” James sneered. 

“Apologize?” Lucius gasped, touching a hand to his heart. “Oh my my my, I didn't realize I upset your foolish selves. Well,” he took a breath, “I am truly ashamed of my actions towards you three, will you accept my apology? Please?” He curled his lip and hid a small smirk. 

James, who was standing proudly before him, simply turned his back on the elder student to walk away, not saying another word, or at least not yet.

“That’s right,” Lucius whispered, “run your bloodtraiting arse out of my sight, it’s sickening to look at such scum.”

“That’s it!” James roared and pulled out his wand to jinx the Slytherin. 

“JAMES!” Remus yelled, trying to stop him, but it was too late, he had already sent the first curse. 

Lucius deflected the spell with ease, smirking down at the younger boy. “Now why did you have to go and do that?” He asked before shooting his own jinx at James which he just nearly dodged, but a second was sent his way just after, hitting him in the chest and sending him crashing into the train wall. 

Groaning, James tried to get up, but Lucius blasted another hex at him, his nose immediately bursting out in red blood, painting him and his new robes a deep crimson colouring. 

“To hell with it,” Remus muttered and threw a spell of his own at Lucius when he wasn't paying attention. Peter merely stood in the background, looking left and right as if trying to decide which way to run. 

Lucius was thrown back off his feet and straight into Bellatrix who was standing behind him. 

“You filthy halfbreed!” He spoke dangerously and tried to curse Remus, but he wasn't quick enough because before he even before he had the chance to move his wand arm, Remus had already flung him backwards again, the compartment door closing and locking behind them from the outside so no one on the other side could get out. 

Remus quickly pocketed his wand and ran over to James who was still seated on the ground trying to stop the bleeding of his nose with his sleeve. 

“Move your hand,” Remus said, taking his wand out once again. 

Holding it up to his friend’s face, he spoke a simple spell. “Episkey!” 

The blood slowly started to clot, and eventually, only a gooey mess of half-dried blood was left running down James’ chin. 

“Thanks, Rem,” he murmured, most embarrassed he had failed so miserably in the duel. 

“Don’t mention it. But just promise me one thing, okay?”

“What?”   
  
“Don’t go after seventh years again, or anyone for that matter, you don’t have that much more blood to lose,” Remus said half-jokingly, laughing the slightest bit. 

James laughed and took Remus's arms to help pull himself up to his feet. “It’s a promise,” he said, holding his hand with two crossed fingers behind his back. There was no way he’d be able to keep an undertaking like that. 

“Shall we check door number two?” James suggested, hoping for a better image this time, and hopefully to find either Regulus or better yet, Sirius. 

“Right on,” Remus said and took the lead. 

James followed, passing Peter to be behind Remus since the hallways were too small to fit two people side-by-side. 

“Thanks for the help, Pete,” he huffed a little grumpily as he nudged past this shorter friend.

Peter looked down, feeling a little ashamed for not helping, but more so upset that James wasn’t happy with him. 

Remus peeked through the window of the next compartment and immediately backed away. “Let's move on to the third, shall we?”

“Why, what’s wrong with this one?” James asked as he took the door handle. “Is no one there?”   
  
“Nope!” Remus said quickly and tired pulling James along. 

“But I hear people!” James protested. “It-- it sounds like kissing!” He gasped and peeked through the window to spy on however it was, only he could only wish he hadn’t seen what he did, because in that compartment, Lily and Snape were snogging, their lips locked together. 

“She-- she-- she’s kissing Snivellus?!” He screamed, loud enough for them to hear and suddenly break apart. 

“Merlin, James….” Remus groaned and ran a hand over his face as Lily opened the door. 

“James Potter!” She yelled, poking her rather pinkish face out between the wall and the compartment opening. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“Erm…” not the best start. “Looking for Sirius?” He questioned for some odd reason. 

“Well, he’s not here.”

“Oh,” was all he replied. 

“If I see him I’ll let you know,” she said rather grimly. 

“Don’t bother, you won’t find him, at least not down Snape’s throat…”

As he turned around lily flicked his rather harshly on the back of the head. 

“OUCH!” He whined, rubbing the aching part of his temple. “What was that for?”   
  
“You know damn well what that was for, good day!” She huffed and slammed the door right on his face. 

“Really, James?” Remus asked, his arms folded across his chest. 

“What?!”   
  
Remus just shook his head. “Nevermind. Next door.”

In the third compartment was Regulus Black. He was sitting alone. His face buried in his knees. 

“You don’t suppose he just sleeps like that, do you?” James questioned, eyeing the younger of the Black brothers.

“Should we leave him alone?” Peter spoke up for the first time in a while. 

“Not if he knows about Sirius, no,” Remus said and slowly opened the door. 

Regulus looked up upon hearing the soft creek and eyed the three of them carefully. His eyes were puffy and red, long traces of tear marks stained his cheeks and his hair was disheveled.

“Regulus,” Remus spoke carefully, taking a small step into the room. 

“He’s not here,” he whispered, his voice barely audible it was so quiet. 

“Where is he?”

Regulus shrugged even though he knew damn well where Sirius was, but if his parents found out he told someone, anyone, and especially those three, he’d end up in the exact same situation his brother was in. Life support at St. Mungos. 

“How can you not know?”   
  
“He ran away,” Regulus lied perfectly, going along with his cover story. 

“He ran away?”

The truth was, Sirius was getting ready to leave. He was going to go to Remus or James, hell even Peter if he had to, he just had to get out of that house. But he never made it. 

Regulus nodded. “I don’t know where he went, so don’t bother asking.”

Remus looked to James, and then to Peter, he wasn’t sure if he believed this tale. 

“Why did he run away?” He asked stupidly. He knew damn well why Sirius would run away, but he wanted to get some piece of information for Regulus, anything   
  
“If you don’t know why he’d run away, you really don’t know my brother then, do you?”

“Can you tell us anything more? Anything at all?” James posed, now worried as well. He looked just as sickly as Remus. Even Peter’s face had dropped slightly. 

“I’ve told you everything I know, now please, leave me alone.”

James sighed. “Did something happen before he left?”

“No.” Was all Regulus said, not even looking at them anymore. “Leave.”

“Reg--” Remus started, but Regulus had had enough. 

“GET OUT! GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT OF MY FUCKING COMPARTMENT!”

Stunned at his outburst, having never seen him so rigid, the three remaining marauders shuffled out and closed the door shut behind them, ensuring they heard a click so the door wouldn;t accidentally open again. . 

“He didn’t run away,” said Remus immediately as they started back to their own seats. 

“Rem, I-- I’m sorry, but I think he did. It sounds like something Sirius would do. And with his parents… it is very plausible.”

Remus shook his head. “He’d have come to one of us. He’d have come to Hogwarts. Something-- something is wrong.”

“Rem, I know this hard, but please, just try to put yourself in Sirius’ shoes, if you lived with Orion and Walburga, you’d probably want to leave too.”

Remus just denied it. There was something else, something that didn’t match up. And he was going to figure out what it was. 

__________

In room 308 at St. Mungo's Hospital for Maladies and Injuries in the Critical Care section, Sirius lay on a cot with dozens of wires and tubes running throughout his body. They crisscrossed around his core and up his face and arms. Others lined his stomach and sides, jumping around his chest and feeding up to machines beeping steadily by his bedside. 

He had an IV poking out of his right hand, feeding him nutrients and sending a tickling sense of ongoing pain up the veins in his arms. 

A loud beeping sound rang throughout the room, echoing off the walls as he lay as still as stone. Even if he was awake, he wouldn’t be able to move. His spinal cord from the waist down had been broken upon the initial impact of the fall when he was blasted with the curse sent by his mother. 

A healer walked into the room with Orion who gazed upon seeing his son. “My boy! My son!” He cried and tried making his way over to Sirius, but an Auror held him back. “Let go! Let me see him! Let me see my son!” He wailed. 

Walburga was next. When she saw Sirius lying unconscious on the bed, she started to cry. “My son… What have we done? Orion. What have we done?”

“Your time is up,” the one female Aurors holding Orion stated. “Let's go.”

“NO!” He roared and tried to run over to Sirius again, but was held back with a rather strong set of curses. “I need to see him! I need to! He’s MY SON! MY SON!” Orin cried, falling to his knees. “Please…”

Walburga just stood frozen in place staring at Sirius who’s chest just bare rose and fell. 

Finally deciding to drag the two out of the room, three Aurors having to pick up Orion in order to get him out because he was fighting back so hard, Sirius’ parents were taken out of St. Mungo’s and to Azkaban until their court day arrived. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this is a pretty short chapter, but I hope you still enjoy it!

_ “Let me help you,’ said Remus.  _

_ “I don’t need help! I don't need anything! I just want to die!” Sirius cried in Remus’ arms, shaking uncontrollably.  _

_ “Please don’t say that,” Remus choked out, “please don’t.” _

_ “I’m only telling you the truth,” Sirius whispered under his breath. “It would have been better if my parents had finished the job.” _

_ __________ _

During the feast, Remus sat with James and Peter staring at the wall without blinking. In fact, he hadn’t blinked in the past four minutes, and it was starting to scare Peter. 

“He looks dead,” Peter mumbled to James who too sat glumly on the bench next to Remus. 

“Well he has a good reason to be,” James muttered back, looking too dejected to even eat, he wasn’t hungry at all. An empty plate and glass rested before him, not even the cutlery had been touched. 

Neither James nor Remus had so much as looked at any food since before they had gotten on the train earlier in the day. Peter, on the other hand, was nibbling on bits and pieces of various cuisines from the platters before him. He didn’t want to seem too out of the ordinary compared to his friends though, so he stopped soon after his first helping even though he was still starved. 

“Should we talk to him?” Peter asked after swallowing some pumpkin juice. 

“I don’t think he wants to talk,” Jame said, still not bothering to look at Peter who was staring at him with wide eyes, wishing for some sort of attention. 

“What if he’s waiting for someone else to start the conversation?” Peter inquired more softly this time. 

“I’m not,” answered Remus darkly. 

“Do you want to be left alone?”

“What do you think?” Remus spat back without meaning to, he was only upset about Sirius being missing. 

Peter cowered, shrinking in his seat and looked away. 

Normally, Remus would have apologized, or it just wouldn’t have happened in the first place, but tonight, he simply sighed and went to look back at the wall. 

“I’m going to go talk to Regulus,” James announced and stood up from his seat.

Had Remus been listening, he would have advised his friend not to do that, but seeing as he was too preoccupied with other thoughts, James left the Gryffindor table and trotted over across the Great Hall to the Slytherins. 

Luckily, Regulus was seated away from the seventh years including Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Lucius, and Narcissa, and rather resided towards the end of the table with the other fourth years. 

James stopped just shy of the younger Black brother who was stirring food around on his plate very much like a young child who didn't like his vegetables. 

Ignoring James who was waiting for him to set his fork down and turn his way, Regulus poked and prodded at his plate, not bothering to look up. 

“Regulus, can we talk?” James finally asked, breaking the silence between them. 

“No,” was all he responded, still staring down at his food. 

“Look, we’re just worried is all.”

“And you think I’m not?”

“I never said that,” James said sternly, starting to grow upset with him. “Now please, can we talk?”

“We are talking,” Regulus muttered. 

“You know what I mean.”

Regulus sighed and finally turned to face James, knowing he wouldn’t leave without him doing so. “I’ve told you everything I know,” he started in a monotone voice, “what more do you want?”

“Any other information you can give me. Anything,” James repeated in a serious tone. 

“As I’ve just said, I’ve told you everything I know. I’m not hiding anything.”

“I didn’t think you were, but now that you’ve mentioned it, it sounds like you just might be.”

“Well, I’m not!” Regulus raised his voice, earning a few turned heads from the other Slytherin students. “Now leave me alone damn it!”

James bit his lip, he felt back for upsetting him, but Sirius was missing, this was a big deal. He had to fight, he just had to. 

“Come with me,” James urged, motioning to the door leading out of the Great Hall, somewhere where they could chat privately. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Regulus said firmly and crossed his arms. 

“Regulus, I swear on Merlin’s beard, follow me now, or I will pick you up and carry you out myself.”

The younger boy simply scoffed and shook his head before going back to stirring the food around his plate. “I’d like to see you try.”

Huffing, James grabbed hold of Regulus by the collar and started pulling. 

“Get your bloody hands off me!” Regulus screeched while trying to shove James away. 

“Then follow willingly!” James shot back still pulling on the boy. 

By now, half of the Great Hall was watching the exchange, including Professor McGonagall who had risen to her feet and was storming down to confront the boys.

“Mr. Potter, just what do you think you’re doing?” She posed in a stern, threatening voice and made him let go of Regulus who then tried to scamper away. 

“Not so fast Mr. Black. I will need at least one of you to explain to me what is going on here!”

“He’s harassing me is what’s going on!” Regulus sneered. 

“Watch your tone!” Professor McGonagall offered. “Now, Mr. Potter, why are you harassing Mr. Black?”

“No reason,” he lied. 

“No reason?!” She asked, absolutely stunned at his response. “Are you telling me you decided to hound this boy for no reason at all?”

“Yes,” he lied again. 

“10 points from Gryffindor!” Professor McGonagall stated, still in shock. “And you will serve a detention with me tomorrow evening.”

With that, the witch walked off, leaving the two boys on their own. 

James turned to face Regulus again. “Please,” he begged, growing desperate, “please help me help Sirius.”

“I wish I knew how,” he responded simply before straightening his collar and storming off. It took just about everything he had in him to not blurt out the truth because he wanted to tell someone. He had to. 

__________

Regulus sat in the shower early the next morning, at 2:00 am to be exact. He couldn’t sleep, not when his brother was fighting for his life. 

The steaming hot water, almost at a burning temperature, pelted down on his bareback leaving massive red marks on his skin. And it wasn’t the physical pain that started it, but rather the mental and emotional pain, because he hadn’t cried yet, that he started to break down on the spot. 

Shuddering on the floor, his entire body quivering like mad, Regulus allowed himself to cry like he never had before. Tears washed down his cheeks, staining his face. They ran down past his lips, over his chin, and then proceeded down the drain with the rest of the water. 

They said he wasn't allowed to visit because Sirius was in such a serious condition. After all, when he had first arrived at St. Mungo’s with his brother, they thought Sirius was dead, or at least close enough to it that he wouldn’t survive the night. 

But Sirius was a fighter, and he had a chance, a slim one, but it was there. Perhaps, thought Regulus, just maybe he’d live. Maybe one day, he’d be able to see his brother again. 


	4. Chapter 4

_ “Sirius, talk to me, please,” Regulus tried again, looking like he might start crying again.  _

_ Sirius didn’t say a word. He didn’t so much as look at his brother.  _

_ “Siri, look at me, talk to me, acknowledge I'm here, anything!” Regulus choked back desperately.  _

_ “Leave me alone,” Sirius muttered under his breath, his voice weak and raw, almost broken sounding.  _

_ “I’m not leaving you,” Regulus said firmly, staying rooted in place.  _

_ “Get out, Reg. Please, just get the fuck out.” Tears started slipping down Sirius’ cheeks as he spoke. “Now.” _

_ __________ _

The three marauders sat glumpy around a table near the window of the Gryffindor Common Room after class one night. They had said they were going to start on homework, specifically an essay for Slugorn, but none of them felt up to it, not even Remus who was normally on top of his schoolwork. 

“What if we send him an owl? Surely yours can find him, Remus,” James began. “Chex is really smart, or at least smarter than Ally; he’s getting a bit old for longer trips…”

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try,” Remus mumbled sadly and pulled out some parchment and quill to begin writing.

At first, he struggled to find the right words, unsure of how to begin and express his thoughts. But after the second line, things started to flow and Remus wrote as quickly as he ever had before, already anxious for a reply. 

_ Hello love,  _

_ Just sending Chex here to check in since we haven’t heard from you since last term.  _

_ James, Peter and I are really worried about you. Regulus told us you ran away during the summer, but I have been led to believe otherwise. _

_ I hope you’re safe and well, and if you have the chance, please write back, we are all truly missing you with all our hearts.  _

_ Love you to the on and back,  _

_ Remus J. Lupin  _

“Take this Sirius, will you?” Remus asked as he handed the now-folded letter to his owl, Chex. 

The bird seemed to understand and offered him what appeared to be a slight nod before taking the letter between his parted beak and flying off into the night through the open window. 

Remus watched as his owl soared through the sky, the light of the crescent moon casting a fine aura over the bird as his silhouette passed the stars. 

“Mate, you all good?” James asked his friend as he set a gentle hand on Remus’ shoulder to console him. 

“I’ve been better,” he voiced softly, looking down at the quill that he still held in hand. 

James nodded in understanding. “I think all of us have seen better days.”

__________

Sirius for sure seen better days, as this one was perhaps close to the worst, (other than the day his parents had used the cruciatus curse on him, and the day he was born which he always swore was a grave mistake, this was a close second.)

As Sirius lay on the cot, still unmoving, his chest suddenly started to slow, causing the machines he was connected to go haywire. Loud beeping started to echo throughout the room and healers came rushing in with their wands already in hand. They each started whispering spells under their breaths, moving their wands in various formations around his chest, trying to draw air into his lungs, but to no avail. 

Panicking, the healers called for more help while others began rushing around the room, pulling muggle equipment out to use alongside their magical remedies. 

With a muggle device in hand, two healers placed tabs over Sirius’ chest, another working the controls while a few others continued their spells and another went on with compressions until the defibrillator was ready. 

“Clear!” A female healer called out as the others stepped back. She pressed a button to send an electric shock through to Sirius’ heart. 

_ One.  _ He still was barely breathing. 

“Clear!” She shouted again before sending him another shock. 

_ Two. _ Sirius’ entire body jolted as another shock was sent over him.

She waited for a second to see if anything had happened before restarting the process when it was clear the system was failing. “Clear!”

_ Three.  _ For a third time, the healers tried to get his heart beating, it didn’t work. 

“Clear!” 

_ Four. _ Sirius lay near dead on the cot, his heart refusing to restart to its normal rhythm.

“Clear!” 

_ Five.  _ Blackness consumed him as he started to drift off to another dimension. 

“Clear!” 

_ Six.  _ The healers started to panic. 

“Clear!” 

_ Seven.  _ A very faint beeping suddenly sounded from the machines as Sirius’ heart started back to its regular tempo. 

He had fought to live another day. 

__________

By the time class rolled around the next day, and Sirius still wasn’t there, Remus felt even worse if at all possible. 

“Remus?” James whispered as Slughorn walked down the other row of cauldrons to take a look at how students were coming along. 

“What?” He sighed half-heartedly, not feeling up to talking. 

“Why is your potion blue and mine green?” 

“Because you didn’t cut your unicorn hair correctly,” Remus said under his breath, looking dead inside. It was a miracle he was managing to brew a potion, let alone function at all. 

“How was I supposed to cut them?”

“Vertically.”

“How the bloody hell am I supposed to do that, they're so thin?”

Remus pointed to the textbook and James furrowed his brows, looking down where Remus had pointed and came to notice a small box with small printed letters explaining how to cut hair at the side. “Didn’t see that,” he mumbled. 

Remus hummed as he continued stirring his mixture, eight times clockwise, twice counterclockwise. It was hard to concentrate with Sirius on his mind. 

“Can you help me fix it?” James asked pleadingly, looking desperate now that time was almost up. 

_ ‘That looks beyond repair,’ _ Remus heard the voice of Sirius chuckle from inside his head. Of course, he would say that, had he been there that was.

_ ‘Shut it! It’s not that bad!’ _

Remus continued playing to acne out in head with James who would have shot a sly remark back. 

_ ‘Yes, it really is. _ ’

_ ‘Oh hush,’ _ Remus would have swatted them both aside to stand before the cauldron.  _ ‘I can fix it, just give me a sec.’ _

“Remus?” James said, looking concerned to see how deep in thought his friend was about a simple question such as fixing a potion. “Hey, Mate,” James put a hand on Remus’ shoulder which seemed to finally snap him out of his dazed. 

“What?” Remus asked, still looking startled. 

“Can you fix my potion for?”   
  


“Yeah, sure.” 

He took James’ place before the cauldron and started to flip through the book, looking front and back at a couple of pages before finding the spell to fix the incorrectly cut hairs. Mumbling it softly under his breath, the potion changed from a dark forest green to a turquoise. It wasn’t aqua blue like his, but it was closer than before. 

“Thanks,” James whispered and moved to stand back at his seat as Professor Slughorn raised his hands, telling them to lower their wands because time was up. 

“Now, let’s have a look!” He said and started walking up the lines of desks set up along the room to take a peek at each individual’s work. 

“Not bad, not bad,” he muttered a few times, his eyes looking intently at the brewed potions. 

“Remus! Just splendid! Splendid!” Slughorn's expression brightened up upon seeing the near-perfect shade of blue within the cauldron. “Though not quite as good as Ms. Evans…” He went on. “But still good! Very good!” 

Lily smiled at Remus as if to say ‘good match’, much Remus just looked away, he didn’t care about a silly competition i potions right now, 

“Hey, Lily!” James whisper-shouted and waved, but she simply turned away, ignoring him. 

“Next time, Evans, next time,” James whispered to himself. 

“Ah! I think we have a winner!” Slughorn suddenly sounded from the end of the room. Everyone turned their heads to see who it was, but there was no question in anyone’s mind that it wouldn’t be Severus Snape standing before the Professor. 

James let out a low groan, Peter reciprocating afterwards. 

“I think that’s worth at least 50 points for Slytherin!” Slughorn chimed. “Though I suppose for Mr. Lupin and Miss Evan’s work, 10 points apiece shall be awarded as well!

“Now then, class is dismissed! See you all tomorrow! And remember to work on your essays!” 

The class groaned in unison upon hearing the reminder of essays but shuffled out the door afterwards without another thought. 

“Library?” Peter suggested as they walked out, given that they had a spare period and needed to start their essays. 

“I think I’ll just head back to the dormitory,” Remus mumbled and turned to walk the other way. “Catch you guys later.”

James, looking concerned, reluctantly waved goodbye and followed Peter to the library, although he wished he could go after Remus to join him, but he knew better, that he needed some space and time to be alone. 

When they arrived at the library, the two took seats at one of the cubicles, which just so happened to be next to the one Lucius and Narcissa were sharing along with Rodolphus and Bellatrix. 

“Father told me they’re in Azkaban.” James heard Rodolphus whisper. 

“For what, touring their son? ” Lucius gasped. “It’s not like the little brat didn’t deserve it.”

“He’s in the hospital, Lucius!” Narcissa shot back and hit him lightly on the arm. She for one was glad Sirius’ parents were in prison, though she'd never admit it aloud. 

“Shall we start on the essay then?” Peter asked, but James quickly shushed him so he could listen in on the conversation between the older students. 

“I know,” the voice of Lucius Malfoy drew on, “and the kid deserves it, he’s a blood traitor. What surprises me is that the parents didn't give it to him sooner.” 

“Who’re they talking about?” Peter asked James in a hushed tone as he leaned forward whispering in his friend’s ear. 

“I’m trying to figure that out,” he replied quickly as not to lose any part of the conversation the others were having. 

“But you don’t really believe they’re in Azkaban for a little stunt like that, do you?” Bellatrix cackled. 

“Do you not believe my father?” Rodolphus asked dangerously. 

“All I’m saying is that it's not that big a deal, so they used the cruciatus curse on their son a few too many times, so what?”

“So he could die, Bella!” Narcissa cried. 

“And why exactly should I care?” She posed curiously, propping her chin on her hand. 

“He’s our little cousin! Our family!”   
  


“Sirius is a blood traitor, Cissy, he will never be considered to be my family. And as far as I’m concerned, the brat can die in St. Mungo’s for all I care, he’s dead to me anyways.”

James gasped upon hearing Sirius’ name. Tears immediately welled up in his eyes and he fought the urge to go over and curse bloody Merlin out of Bellatrix, Luciusm and Rodolphus right there and then. 

“Oh look, here comes Regulus,” Bellatrix chuckled as he walked into the library. “Shall we pay the lad a little visit?”

“Bella, no!”

“Stop it, Cissy, he deserves some confrontation.”

Narcissa looked up worriedly as her sister, Lucius and Rodolphus got up to join Regulus at his table. 

“How’s it feel knowing mummy and daddy and Azkaban?” Bellatrix mocked. 

“Leave me alone,” Regulus muttered, looking away from her and down at his work. 

“Awe, poor little Regy is sady,” she continued with a laugh. “Shall we cheer him up, boys?”

Lucius and Rodolphus grinned and moved their chairs in a little closer towards the boy. 

“Tell us,” Rodolphus sneered, “how is little Siri doing? Resting on his deathbed is he?”

“Stop,” Regulus whimpered. 

“Look Lucius, the little dweeb is going to cry, aren't you, Regy? Are you going to cry for Siri?”

Having heard enough, James got up and stormed over to Rodolphus. He bragged the seventh-year by the collar swung him around, and socked him right in the nose as hard as he could. 

Regulus stared wide and teary-eyed up at James who had just punched one of the Lestrange brothers in the face. This surely wouldn’t end well. 

Blood spurted all over Rolduphus’ face, the second James’ fist connected with his nose. He yelped in pain, catching the now broken bone and stood up, practically towering over James who was huffing angrily up at him. 

“You son of a bitch,” James spat and launched himself at Rodolphus, crashing on top of him and falling onto the table standing behind them. 

As they both toppled to the floor, Rodolphus growled and rolled himself on top of James, hitting him repeatedly in the nose. In just a few seconds, only blood covered the entirety of James’ face, not a single inch of clear skin visible to the eye.

Peter simply watched in horror as his friend was beaten to a pulp before his eyes, too nervous to act or even try and save him. 

Once James was nearly unconscious, Rodolphus pulled him up to his feet, holding the collar of his shirt to hold him upright. 

“That was for Sirius,” James slurred through a bloodied mouth, the crimson liquid staining his robes from head to toe before his eyes closed shut leaving Rodolphus one last chance to sock him in the face before letting his body crumple to the ground. 


	5. Chapter 5

_ “You can do this, Sirius, I believe in you.” James voiced gently.  _

_ “Wanna believe for both of us then, because I have no hope.” _

_ James sighed and took both of Sirius’ hands to help him stand. _

_ “James, I can’t,” he said before James even had the chance to pull him off the bed.  _

_ “Try.” _

_ “It's no use, it’ll never happen.” _

_ “You don't know that,” James said in a stern yet gentle voice. “They come up with new spells every day. Maybe this one worked.” _

_ “And if it didn’t?” _

_ “Then we try again tomorrow.” _

_ Shaking his head, Sirius used James’ hand to try and prop himself up, but only plummeted to the ground.  _

_ “Told you.” _

_ __________ _

“James?” Peter whispered under his breath, looking worriedly down at his friend who lay on a cot nearby the window in the hospital wing. “James?” He hissed again, a little more loudly this time. “James!”

“Peter, leave him alone, he’s out cold,” Remus mumbled from his seat beside the bed to Peter who was practaily leaning over James’ body now, looking very much like a ragdoll. 

“No m’not,” James managed to croak out. “‘M awake.”

“Merlin, James!” Remus said, looking startled as he stood up. “You took one hell of a beating there, Mate. What were you thinking?”

“Was protecting Sirius and Regulus,” he sounded out, his eyes still closed. 

“Sirius?” Remus inquired blankly. “What about Sirius?”

“‘Eter didn’t tell you?”

“No, Peter didn’t tell me anything! What’s going on?!”

“Sirius is’n St, Mungo’s,” James slurred. “‘Is parents used the cruciatus curse on ‘im.”

Remus stared down wide-eyed at his friend in shock. He was unable to find words to express how he was feeling, because the feeling was simply so terrible, like nothing he’d ever experienced in his life. Discovering he was a werewolf didn’t even come close to this moment. This had to be the lowest of the lows he had ever hit in his lifetime. And it had come crashing down on him like an ocean wave, colliding with the shore like that of a hurricane smashing into the earth, destroying everything in its path. 

“Remus?” James spoke, opening his eyes now to look over at his friend who seemed to be too astounded by his words to even so much as breathe. “Remus, say s’mthing, ‘ease.”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Remus said under his breath and ran to one of the attached washrooms to pass up his meal. 

Squirming to get out of bed, James winced as he shifted his legs over the side of the bed to get to his feet. 

“Shouldn’t you rest?” Peter asked, looking more worried about James than Remus, or even Sirius for that matter. 

“Remus needs me,” was all James said in response as he slowly made his way to the bathroom where Remus was hunched over the toilet, crying as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

“Go lie down, J, I’m fine,” Remus tried to convince him with a short hiccup.

“No, you’re not, and neither am I.” He stumbled to his bottom and sat beside Remus, resting a hand over his shoulder to try and comfort him and to try and find some sort of comfort for himself. 

“Is it bad?” Remus asked as he hiccuped again, still a sobbing mess. 

“Yes,” he said, refraining from lying, he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. 

“How bad?”

“From what Narcissa said, it's not good, Remus. Sirius... he— he may not make it.”

“Fuck,” Remus bawled and slammed the lid of the toilet down so hard James was surprised it didn’t crack. “Fuck! JAMES!” He screamed. “NO! MERLIN, NO!”

“Shhh…” James tried soothing, holding his friend very carefully in his arms as he shook uncontrollably, his entire body quaking on the spot as he took heaving sobs, trying to catch his breath. 

“I— I can’t— I can’t live without him,” the blond choked out, his tears staining James’ shirt. “I just can’t.” 

“I don’t think I could either.”

“Neither could I,” Peter added as he sat beside them. 

“But Sirius is a fighter, he’ll get through this. He has to…” James mumbled the last part to himself. 

“What if he doesn’t? What if he— he— d-dies?” Remus struggled to get the words out. 

“He won’t,” James said firmly. 

“B-but what if-i he does? You said s-so yourself it w-wasn’t g-good.”

“He’ll make it. He’ll make it,” James repeated.

__________

Regulus was sitting down in the shower again, this time fully clothed as hot water pelted his back and steam rained down onto him. He too, was crying.

His body quivered while he shed tears, whimpering every so often as he thought about his brother. Leaning back against the wall with his knees pulled up towards his chest, Regulus cried his heart out. Tears rushed down his cheeks and over his lips for him to swallow back. With his eyes closed, he grieved alone, though not for long. 

“He’s in here,” a voice whispered from the door, making him perk his head up. 

Before he had the chance to do anything more, the shower curtains were pulled back, revealing a smirking Lucius Malfoy along with Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange. 

“Poor little Reggy, he’s lost his brother Siri,” Lucius began to chant. “Look at him,” he turned to his two friends snickering. “What a pathetic.”

“L-leave m-me alone!” Regulus sniffed. “Please. This— this isn’t even y-your floor, any of y-you. Y-you sh-shouldn’t b-be here.”

“Well seeing as Rabastan and I are prefects,” Lucius drawled, “we have the right to be wherever we wish.” The older boy crossed his arms and stared down at Regulus who looked completely and utterly helpless. 

“Get up,” Rodolphus sneered and reached down to hoist the boy up by the collar of his shirt. 

Regulus was too weak to fight back, he didn’t know what to do at this point and simply allowed himself to be thrown across the bathroom floor, sliding across the tiles and into the wall, still soaking wet. 

“Tell us, Reggy, what’d you think will happen when your parents get released from trial? Think they’ll go after you next?”

Regulus stayed quiet, he had just assumed they’d be sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban for what they’d done, but now he started to worry. 

“Think they’ll be as forgiving as us?” Rabastan snickered, towering over Regulus who had curled himself in a ball, looking like a kicked puppy. 

“Now, now, brother, not yet,” Rodolphus jeered. “We’re not finished our little conversation, now are we?”

“Far from it,” Lucius voiced before walking up and kneeling down beside Regulus so that they were eye to eye. “You know,  _ Regulus _ ,” he started dangerously, “you could always join our side, we’d protect you.”

Regulus started up at them dumbfounded. “Never,” he whispered under his breath. 

“Really?” Lucius frowned and pulled him up into a sitting position, “because I think I may be able to convince you otherwise. You see…” he took out his wand and twirled it between his fingers, “I can be very persuasive…”

“Beat the shit out of me,” Regulus said, seemingly having gotten his voice back to normal, “I don’t care, because I will  _ never _ join your kind.”

“ _ Our kind? _ ” Lucius spoke under his breath as he drew his wand out to lift Regulus’s chin. “You are,  _ our kind, _ Reggy, you just don’t know it yet. After all,” he smiled warmly, “you are a Black, it’s in your blood. You will serve the Dark Lord. It is your destiny.” He traced his wand across Regulus’s neck, leaving a very fine red mark behind. “Think about it, would you?” He asked as he cocked his head out the side.

With that, Lucius got back up his feet and backed away to join Rabastan and Rodolphus. “Let sleeve our little shepherd to his thoughts, shall we?” 

Rabatsan clenched his fists and reluctantly nodded along with his elder brother before walking away with Lucius at the lead, slamming the bathroom door shut behind them with a loud bang.

Regulus stayed laying down on the floor, his body now shivering from the cold air that touched his joints and frigid clothing that was still sopping wet. He couldn’t bring himself to move a muscle. 

__________

  
  


When Sirius first woke, the first thing he noticed was the radiating pain that shot up his core. All he could feel was a sensation of pure agony travelling throughout his body, touching practically every nerve and burning his muscles. Each individual atom seemed to be getting taken apart, breaking right down the center, and sending a splitting ache over him. 

His stomach was balled in knots and his heart was beating rapidly against the bandages wrapped around his chest. Dried blood matted the inner side of the wrappings as well as the outer layer, the crimson colouring having bled through the thick cotton squares. 

He looked around, his eyes watering from the splintering pain, and he came to notice the many tubes climbing in and around his body. They circled around his core and slithered up to the machine that was beeping steadily by his side. There was an IV sticking out of his battered hand. The colouring was a deep purple, circled by black, yellow, and green spots that somehow seemed to be spreading outwards as each second ticked by, at an exceedingly rapid pace. 

As he let out a heavy breath, unsure of what to think of the situation, an ache shot up his chest. Sirius tried to jerk his arms upwards to ease the sparking pain that wailed around him, but another screaming shot of affliction erupted up his arms and he immediately stopped moving, setting his hand back down at his beside. 

Anxious and confused, Sirius tried to sit up, only to realize he couldn't, he was too weak. Seconds later, he came to notice most of his body felt weak, or rather numb. He couldn’t feel his legs, feet, waist, or toes. It was all numb, like the limbs weren't even there. 

Starting to panic, he tried to wiggle his toes, only to realize he couldn’t, he had no control over any part of his body from the waist down. 

“No…” he mumbled to himself, “no, no no no no no! NO!” He screamed the last part and nurses immediately came rushing in, trying to calm him. 

“I CAN’T— I C-CAN’T— I CAN’T MOVE!” He shrieked at the top of his lungs, tears already streaming down his cheeks. “NO! DON’T TOUCH ME!” He pulled his arm away from a healer who had tried to inject him with a potion. “GET— GET AWAY!” Sirius sobbed and started fighting back against the healers who were holding him down.”NO! S-STOP!” He was confused and panicked beyond belief. 

Sirius started flailing his arms, trying to hit anything and everyone that came near him, absolutely terrified of what was happening and of all the people swarming around him. Moments later, he found a pair of healers on either side of him, bracing his arms down as another strapped them to the sides of the bed to restrict him from further injuring any of the staff or himself. 

“STOP! N-NO! PLEASE!” He whined and started swinging his head back and forth against the bed, as a healer injected him with a potion to send him to sleep. 

“S-stop— I— I don’t— understand— no—…” His eyes slowly closed shut, leaving Sirius in blackness yet again. 

  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter took so long. My mental health really slapped me in the face this past week and I've been having a tough time. Hopefully updates will be more frequent from now on. :)  
> Cheers,  
> ~ Nayra

“We have to get to St. Mungo’s,” Remus said firmly after he’d calmed down. It took a few hours for him to gain the strength and willpower to even so much as move off of the bathroom floor, but now that he had had time to put his thoughts together, he knew what had to happen next, they had to get to Sirius. 

“You’re joking, right?” Peter gawked, completely shocked that Remus was even thinking about breaking the rules. 

“I most certainly am not!” Remus said quickly and in a rather defensive manner. “He needs us! We have to get to him!”

“Mate,” James spoke up sadly, “we have no way of getting there.”

Remus was silent for a few moments, pondering on a theory of how on earth they would get to London from here. The train would be the best option, had it been running at the time they needed. But given that it was not, Remus would have to figure out some other plan. “We could fly…” he suggested slowly, looking hopeful for a positive response from his friends.

“Are you kidding?!” Peter asked, looking quite astounded. 

“Of course I’m not kidding! We have to get to Sirius!”

“Remus,” James started in a skeptical tone, “first of all; have you ever held a broom, let alone ridden one?”

“Well, not exactly…”

“And have you thought about how long that would take? We’d be riding in the dark for hours!”

“I don’t care, James!” Remus cried. “I don’t care if we have to fly for days to get to him. He needs us. And we’re going to show.”

James was quiet for a few moments before he finally decided to respond. “Alright….” He mumbled with a short nod. “Alright. But you’re not flying one of the bloody arse cleansweeps, they’re far too slow. Take Lincoln’s broom, he won’t make the team this year anyway.”

Remus smiled in response. “Should we find Regulus? Take him with us?”

“I suppose,” James sighed and turned to walk back to the portrait hole with Remus. When they didn’t see Peter following, the two turned around looking a little lost. 

“Peter, let’s go,” Remus motioned to the door. “Hurry!”

“Oh erm… you guys go ahead. I’ll erm… I’ll just wait here just in case he comes back, y’know?” He shrugged and went to take a seat on the couch. 

Remus groaned impatiently and waltzed over to him. “Peter, Sirius isn’t coming back. He’s in the hospital! His parents used the cruciatus curse on him for Merlin’s sake! He’s hurt! Bad!”

“I just don’t think I should fly… it’s been a while since I’ve been on a broom…”

“Pete, I’ve never been on a broom and I’m going! Now hurry up, we need to leave!”

“Well I wish you good luck then,” Peter said somewhat cockily and continued over to the lounge. 

Remus groaned in frustration and looked over to James. “James!” He hissed and poked his side. “James! Do something!”

His friend nodded and continued over to Peter. “Peter,” James started in a very serious tone, “Sirius is hurt, he—“ he choked up a bit, “he could die.”

“I just don’t think this is a good idea!” 

“Peter! When have we ever had a good idea?!” James raised his voice, growing just as upset as Remusnow. “Look, if you don’t come with us, Peter, you’re dead to me,” he finished very firmly. “So if Sirius means anything to you, get your arse out that door and come with us to London.”

Peter visibly gulped before offering him and Remus a slight nod. “Fine,” he muttered softly and walked at the lead out into the corridor, an upset Remus and James hot on his tail. 

As they made their way through the halls down to the dungeons where the Slytherin Common Room was, Remus started to tear up again. James reached his hand out to clasp Remus’ as they made their way closer to the dorm. 

“It’s going to be okay,” James spoke softly. “We’ll get to him. We’ll make sure he survives.”

Remus nodded in the slightest and quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Okay.”

Walking down the last flight of stairs to the dungeons, Peter rounded the corner to the passage to the Slytherin Common Room and once he was at the door, he waited for James and Remus to catch up. 

“How do we get in?” 

“You don’t,” a voice sounded from behind them. “This isn’t your Common Room.”

“Regulus?” James spoke softly as he turned around on his tail to look behind him. 

“Why are you here?” Regulus asked darkly, looking more broken than ever. 

“We were looking for you,” Remus started gently. “We’re going to see Sirius and wanted you to come with us.” 

Regulus rolled his eyes. “What do you think you’ll do if you even get there, just waltzed through the front doors and demand to see him? Because they won’t let you, he’s in critical condition, no visitors allowed.” This was by far the most Regulus had spoken since Sirius had been admitted. He was even surprising himself from how much he was saying, especially to three Gryffindor’s of all people. “And just how do you even expect to get there?”

“We’re going to fly.”

Regulus looked confused. “Fly?” 

“On brooms,” James clarified Remus’ previous response. 

“On brooms,” Regulus muttered back, “you’re going to fly on brooms to London?” He paused for a moment before bobbing his head up and down slowly. “I’m in. Let’s go.”

Remus patted his back and started towards the front doors leading out of the castle. “We’d better hurry and get out before curfew hits, or McGonagall will have our necks.”

“That she would,” James agreed with a hum, walking just behind him and Regulus, and with Peter now at the rear of the group. 

They crept through the halls ever so carefully, making sure not to make a single sound in the least. Their shoes didn’t squeak on the floor. Their breaths were soft rather than huffy and puffy as they climbed the stairs back to the main floor. The floorboards barely even cracked or rattled when their feet rocked them back and forth. It was by far the quietest James had ever been in his life. 

Once they reached the front doors after escalating up dozens of stairs and down various hallways, Remus cast a spell to block out the noise the currently locked door was surely going to make while James pushed it open, holding it as such while every crept out into the night. 

Shutting the gate behind him, James sped up to walk beside the two Gryffindor and lone Slytherin. “We have to go to the broom shed,” he whispered under his breath. 

“Obviously,” Regulus answered with an eye roll. 

James just shook his head and went to the opening of the hut. “Alohomora,” he spoke softly, his wand pointed towards the lock which clicked open upon the quick flash of light emitting from the tip of his wand. 

Pulling the lock off, the door slowly opened and he walked in, started to rummage through the brooms to find the right one for each of them.

After taking his own broom, he handed Regulus his, which was a fairly expressive make, even more so than his own, and then passed Lincoln’s to Remus and Harley's to Peter since he was positive neither of the boys would make the team this year. He was positive Mackenzie and Kinnon would beat them out for their places as a beater and chaser. 

James locked the door behind him on his way out so no one would know they had snuck in, and went over to Remus to explain the logistics of flying. 

“Now put the broom between your legs. Good, good,” he started as Remus followed his instructions. “And bend your knees. Good, wait, not too much, you want to be on balance and kind of standing, but not quite sitting at the same time.”

Remus nodded and adjusted his position. “This okay?”

“Yup! Now hold on, your dominant hand in front to stream, and slowly kick for the ground,” James explained, watching as Remus bit his lip when he told him to leave the ground. “You can do it, Mate! Go ahead!”

Slowly and hesitantly, Remus lifted the soles of his feet off of the grass so that he was hovering in mid-air, giving a little puff upwards as he did so. 

Within seconds, he was floating about two feet off of the ground. 

“Brilliant!” James exclaimed excitedly. “Now put your feet back on the foot-holders and lean forward, but just a little, not too much of you’ll go really fast.”

A look of nervousness spread across Remus’ face but nevertheless, he leaned towards the head of the broom, and inch by inch, he moved ahead. 

“Good job Remus! Now lean to the side, left then right.”

Remus followed his words and started to get the hang of things. 

“I think I’m ready,” he stated firmly, staying in the air as he spoke. 

“Alright, Regulus,” James turned to Sirius’ younger brother, “watch over Peter, I’ll fly beside Remus. Let’s go.”

They all kicked off the ground and flew off into the night, soaring through the sky just after sunset. The oranges, pinks, and yellows that still painted the sky were slowly morphing into blackness, creating a comforting yet ill and eerie sense in their stomachs. 

Remus actually couldn’t believe they had gotten out of Hogwarts without any issues, it seemed as though for the first time in forever, things were starting to go their way. 

“Rem, ease up a bit, Muggles’ll see you if you don’t!” James warned as he lifted himself above the clouds. Remus followed closely behind along with Regulus as well as Peter, who had the most disrespectful expression plastered upon his face. 

“How much longer?” He whined, shivering in the cold air. 

“Pete, it’s been ten minutes, you can’t possibly be bored yet. Keep it together.”

“I was bored to begin with,” he mumbled back under his breath, and thankfully, no one else heard him speak. 

Everyone rode in silence for the next few hours, simply the sound of whistling wind echoing through their ears and the flapping of their robes flying behind them. 

Remus was a little wobbly on his broom, but James stayed close by to ensure he wouldn’t fall. Peter was doing better than he expected, and not that Regulus was paying close attention, but he was quite proud as to how well he was flying, to say the least. 

After seeing nothing but the blackness of fields, mountains, and forests, when city lights came into view, it was a miracle to their eyes. 

“St Mungo's will be near Diagon Alley,” James started loudly, trying to announce his voice over the sound of the wind when they rounded over the first few houses. “We’ll head down in a few minutes, we’re only on the outskirts of the city right now, it’s too early to drop down just yet.”

Remus, Regulus and Peter all nodded in response and waited a few extra moments before they began to descend back down to the ground. 

Lucky, they managed to land in an empty parking lot near the entrance. And since it was close to morning, the church in the street ahead almost about to chime twelve times to announce the next day had arrived, not many people had been out and about, having already left since visiting hours were over for the most part in the hospital.

“Do we just walk through the front doors?” Peter asked cautiously to James who only shrugged in response. 

“We can try,” Regulus spoke for the first time since they had left the castle. 

“Let’s go,” Remus added and started towards the entrance doors. “What room is he in?”

“I don’t know, we’ll have to ask.”

Remus nodded and ran through the doors, the three other boys hit on his tail, and immediately went to the front desk. 

“Excuse me,” he started hurriedly, “we’re looking for Sirius Black.”

“Are you his immediate family?” One of the secretaries posed as she opened a glass door that stood in the middle of them. She looked quite bored, as did Peter. 

“No, I’m not but—"

“Then I cannot allow you to see him,” the lady replied in a strictly monotone voice. We have strict rules here. I am sorry.” She went to close the glass between them. 

“Wait! I—I’m his boyfriend! And this—” he pulled Regulus forwards, “this is his brother.”

The secretary lazily sighed and pulled out a few forms. “Fill these in, but only the brother can visit.”

“Please!” Remus begged. “I—I need to see him! I'm begging you!”

“Ask the boy to fill in the forms,” she said a little more firmly before turning away. “On your way, go on.” 

As they were shooed away, Regulus quickly started to scribble information across the papers, his hand shaking as he did so. 

“Need help?” James asked, noticing that he was struggling. 

“Please,” Regulus whispered under his breath, looking quite distraught. 

James, who was quite surprised he had conceded, gladly took the binder of pages and began quickly writing down Regulus’s name, age, house, parents and relation to Sirius down on the lines. 

“Here,” he handed the younger Black the papers and allowed him to go off with an officer to Sirius’ room. 

Remus wanted to follow, but James held him back, knowing they’d only get in trouble for trying to go with them. 

As Regulus followed the officer up to the sixth floor, he started to shake, quaking on the spot with nerves. He had no idea what to expect: whether Sirius would be better, or worse, or even awake…”

“Visiting hours are technically over, but seeing as your brother hasn’t had any visitors, I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you.”

“So he’s awake?” Regulus questioned softly. 

“Yes,” she replied kindly. “It is to my knowledge he woke just yesterday.”

Regulus nodded and walked off the elevator beside her, still trembling with nerves. 

“Stay as long as you’d like,” the lady said and wished him good luck before opening the door to allow him inside. 

He nodded and gulped loudly before taking a step inside, and what he saw, didn’t just about break his heart, it did break his heart. 

Tears immediately rained down his cheeks at an uncontrollable rate. His trembling only worsened and he took shaky steps forwards. “S—Sirius…” he cried softly and ran to his brother who was lying dead still on the bed, his wrists still clasped down to the rails so wouldn’t hurt himself. 

Sirius had already managed to roll off the bed once, somehow which was a miracle because the lower half of his body was immobile. It worsened his condition. 

“R-R—Reg?” He whispered hoarsely, lifting his head the slightest bit, all that he could manage. 

“Sirius! Oh, Merlin…” Regulus started to panic. Seeing his brother with all those tubes coming out at him, his face battered and bruised to the absolute max, and eyes terrified and filled with pure panic. 

“R-Reg— please!” He started writhing on the spot. 

“Shh— shh—” he tried to soothe both his brother and himself. “Just take a deep breath, with me— o-okay?” He choked back a sob and tried to suck air into his lungs. 

“Reg— I can’t— I—I can't—” Sirius was crying like mad as he tried to get out of the bed, to lift himself up, to do anything. 

Holding him down gently, Regulus spoke as softly and calmly as he could muster. “Yes, you can, now breathe, with me. In; one, two, three. Hold; one, two, three…”

While taking ragged breaths, Sirius’ breathing closely started to level, but the flow of tears didn’t stop. 

“Get m-me out! P-please! Get—get me o-out!”

“Sirius, I—I can’t do that, but—but know that I am here for you— always,” she choked out, surprising a soft sob as he spoke. 

His brother still sobbed and sobbed in the bed, still begging for help, pleading for aid, simply praying he would set him free. 

Moving him over the slight bit, Regulus crawled onto the mattress, wrapped his arms around Sirius, and held him there ever so carefully, simply rubbing soft circles over his lower back to try and calm him. 

“R—Reg—Regulus?” He croaked, hiccuping in between small gasps. 

“Yeah?”

“I—I can’t m-move.”

“What?” Regulus asked, looking confused. “What do you mean?”

“From the waist down—” he took a moment and sucked in a deep breath, trying to prepare for what he was about to say as Regulus’s eyes widened. “I’m paralyzed.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter but I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things :)  
> I also rewrote this chapter 4 times so please be gentle :0

_ “I just want to die!” Cried Sirius in Remus’ open arms.  _

_ “Hey, don’t say that.” _

_ “I don’t want to be here anymore, Remus!” Sirius went on. “I don’t want to fight! I can’t fight!” _

_ “Yes, Sirius, you can. And I will fight alongside you. We will get through this, together.” _

_ “You have nothing to get through though! You’re not the one who can’t walk! You don’t know how it feels!” _

_ “You’re right,” Remus said softly, “I don’t know how it feels. But I do know that you have a lot of fight left in you. You’re a warrior Sirius, you can survive this.” _

_ “What if I don’t want to? What if I have no reason to live.” _

_ “Then I’ll give you a reason.” _

__________

“P—Paralyzed?” Regulus whispered hoarsely. “I—I don’t—I don’t understand…” He said shakily, even though the truth was; he did in fact understand. He just didn’t want to accept the fact that Sirius would never walk again. “Mum and dad would never— they wouldn’t— no…” He sniffed as a lone tear rolled down his cheek. 

“I’m s-sorry… I’m s-so— so so sorry Regulus…” Sirius sobbed. 

“Sirius, you have nothing to be sorry for. You’re the victim here. If anything… I’m the one that should be sorry. I shouldn’t have left you at home with mum and dad around… I shouldn’t have gone to that party when you asked me not to… I—I…” he took a shuddering breath and whispered the last part so quietly it was almost inaudible. “I should have been a better brother to you. Then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

“D-Don’t say that p-please,” Sirius begged through eye-fulls of tears, his face now stained with the streaks of wet droplets that had rolled down his cheeks. 

“But it’s true!” Regulus raised his voice, making Sirius inwardly flinch. “If I had just stayed home none of this would have happened! We wouldn’t be here! You wouldn’t be hurt!” 

“Please stop screaming,” Sirius asked quietly, his voice just below a whisper. “You—you’re scaring me.”

Regulus immediately shut his mouth and looked down at his hands, ashamed that he had frightened his brother. “Sorry,” he murmured. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Sirius said after taking another shuddering breath to calm himself, “just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.”

Sirius nodded and offered his brother a place to sit by his bedside. “Sit,” he encouraged, wiping away his dried tears. “I won’t bite, promise,” he went with a joke to try and lighten the mood. 

The younger of the Black brothers nodded and seated himself beside on the edge of the bed. “How do you feel?”

“I’m feeling a lot of things right now,” said Sirius sadly. 

“Does it hurt?”

“Physically, no, it’s doesn’t.”

“And what about… not physically?”

“I’m in a lot of mental and emotional pain,” Sirius tried to explain as cautiously as he could. “I’m frustrated and angry. I—I feel broken.”

“Sirius, you’re not broken.”

“But I am, Reg, and quite literally. I can’t walk, what would you call that?”

“A disability,” Regulus answered. 

“Great,” Sirius choked, “now I’m disabled.”

“There's nothing wrong with that, Sirius. All it means is that you have a physical condition which limits your abilities, nothing more nothing less.”

“No…” Sirius gulped, “it means I’m a freak.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Regulus tried to soothe gently. “You are no freak.”

“I sure as bloody hell feels like one.”

“But you’re not, okay? You’re just you,” said Regulus. “You’re whoever you want to be in this world. Don’t this setback take that away from you? Okay? ”

“It’s not a setback, Regulus. This is permanent. There is no way out.”

“Sirius, I really don’t want to sound corny, but... miracles can happen. They are possible.” 

“Maybe they are in the world you’re living in, but not in mine.”

“We’re living in the same world, Siri.”

“No,” Sirius shook his head. “You’re with the living, I’m with the dead.”


End file.
